Last night I went out with friends, one of whom was visiting from Virginia. She joked about how every time she comes to Utah she feels the need to get dressed up and do her hair (and get a boob job) just to go out with friends. Apparently there is much more pressure to impress here in Utah. This wasn't news to me. I have often wondered why we as women feel such a need to fit the mold, even at the high cost of our own sanity and happiness. Im sure that if I were to ask any of you reading this what you are supposed look like, what you should wear, weigh, read, say, do, etc. that we could come up with a pretty specific list.
Before I claim any sort of independence from such brain-washing, I need confess that I still have some pretty unrealistic expectations of myself. In fact, just last night my friend and I were trying to figure out why it had been so long since we had hung out. I explained that I had been feeling down and didnt want to contaminate her happiness with my depression like it was some sort of contagious flu! And i didnt want her to see me like that, even though she is the least likely to judge me for it! Why? Not only do we feel the need to get dressed up physically to present an image to others, but we dress up emotionally too? Heaven forbid someone see us without our emotional make-up that we think conceals our vulnerabilities, insecurities, and heartaches!
And so my call to the women of the world (especially Utah) let us forgive ourselves and one another for perpetuating such unrealistic expectations. Let us be and behave how we wish others would. Our greatest strength as women is our ability to love and nurture. Lets take care of each other and ourselves. Remember that all judgement is self-judgement and when we are tempted to be critical of others it is our own reflection we are seeing. We are perfect exactly as we are! Its high time we start believing it!
4 comments:
I was talking to a woman the other day who moved to Utah from out of state, and she said that when she talks to the "people back home" she calls Utah The Land of the Pretty Women. She said that she's lived in several states, and no where else has she ever felt such pressure to look beautiful. We talked about that for a while, and were surprised that we could independently describe what a typical woman in Utah looks like. Together we came to the conclusion that even though there is a set standard of beauty here, and the women are gorgeous, both of us found it all rather boring. Who wants to look like a cookie-cutter image of everyone else? Utah culture has an obsession with facades. Our most severe problems are those that boil beneath the surface (domestic violence, drug use, pornography, rape, subverted women). We need to be more honest with who we are, and start embracing our individual beauty before we can even begin to be honest about our other dark secrets. Let's rip the facade away!
Emily,
What a great post. I agree with you and Miriam. Everytime we come to Utah I'm struck with how many of the billboards are advertising liposuction, boob jobs, tummy tucks and how the women are either really thin or overweight. A lot of the women have the same hair styles and wear the same type of clothes. There's a reason why Utah has an abnormally high rate of depression, bankruptcy, unhappy marriages, etc. For some reason we (I grew up in Utah) feel that there is this Standard we need to measure up to and if we don't then everyone will know that we're not perfect. I worry about my cousins and friends who appear to have a picture perfect life and wonder what life is really like for them when it comes to their relationships with their spouses, food, and self. I've had and have plenty of my own issues to deal with, but I'm never so aware of all my physical imperfections than when I'm in Utah.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
Kristen
I'm glad that my comment on getting a boob job could make it onto your blog! Despite the pressure to look beautiful, I love coming home and seeing people I love--like you and Lori! Thanks for making the trek down to Orem to see me! It was such a fun evening!!
nice post!
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